Since October is National Depression Awareness month, I thought it would be a great time to share a little bit of my experience with depression.

Depression isn’t just when someone wears all black and is quiet; depression is a mood disorder. I personally see it as a spectrum.  There are people who are depressed and they are able to function and do/ be a part of day-to-day activities; there are the ones who can not function or even leave their own homes, then you have the ones that experience moments (hours or a few days of depression).  That is where I fall in.  The best way for me to describe it, is being in emotional pain.

One of my greatest episodes, was when I graduated from college.  Many people may not see it as a big deal, but it was huge for me.  I did not have a job lined up and I had nothing to do.  For the first time in my life, I wasn’t in school.  I was really productive when I was in school.  I served on SGA, I was a Resident Assistant, I started and organization and many other things.

I woke up one morning (I still lived on campus because I was a senior RA, so I trained other RA’s) and walked the campus.  I felt a heavy burden.  What am I suppose to be doing, where am I suppose to go? I’ve spent my whole life in school and I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. Most of my peers were either already working or they were still in school.  To me I felt like they had purpose… and I didn’t.

I felt lost and alone, and then it happened… every negative thought I ever had had made it’s way to the front of my mind.  I was a true wreck. Even though feeling this low wasn’t completely new to me, it hurts deeply every time.  The thoughts began to surface and the thoughts were lasting. Would people notice if I was gone, do they even care? What am I doing with my life?  I spent that Summer feeling numb and worthless.

I was drained emotionally and exhausted physically and mentally.

I have never shared with anyone that I had dealt with depression.  Although I didn’t grow up hearing much about depression, I know it to be real, to be serious and it can be scary.  What helps me now is prayer, surrounding myself with positive things and people.  I had to learn my triggers.  Everyone’s story is not the same and depression isn’t expressed the same way.  The truth of the matter is that we truly never know what people are going through.

If someone trusts you enough to share with you, please take it seriously.  If you are dealing with depression, you are not alone! You are loved and appreciated.  You don’t have to handle it on your own. Share your story and seek help.

 

Here are some resources if you need assistance or if you know someone who does:

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

National Hopeline Network: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

National Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-4663

 

 

From me,

Chrissy