I want each of us to celebrate how we’d like. I’d also like us to evaluate where we are on the self-love spectrum. Not going for massages and pedi’s/mani’s, but where are you with the relationship that you have with yourself?

Have you dealt with/dealing with trauma?

Have you addressed what is keeping you from being whole?

Do you genuinely love yourself?

Are you investing in your craft/passion/purpose?

Have you sought therapy or counsel?

Recovery doesn’t happen on its own. There is a level of intention and work that we have to put in. This post isn’t to pressure you. This post is to encourage you to think about the person that you will be in a relationship with for the rest of your life, YOU. Yes, loving others and doing external acts will certainly fulfill some areas ( I mean, we are human and we naturally want others to feel loved), but what tends to happen is where we end up placing our focus becomes imbalanced.

To recover from what keeps you from being whole is the ultimate form of self-love. Choose to love yourself from the inside out. You will notice relief, you will notice healthier relationships with others, and certainly personal growth.

You are absolutely worthy of love! Don’t depend on seeking it from outside sources. Choose to recover and heal yourself first. This way, you can be whole alone and if you choose to be in a relationship/friendship, you are able to love that person well.

From me,

Chrissy

Each year many of us create a list of resolutions or goals that we’d like to achieve. Typically within the first month of the year, we find ourselves slacking off or are simply uninspired.

I really want us (I’m in this with you) to conquer our goals this year. I’ve created this new approach and I hope that you find some value in it.

1st: Raise your hand if your goals sound like the following. ” I want to save more money.” I want to lose/gain weight this year.” “I want to buy a house this year.” Those are awesome goals, but they all lack structure and strategy. If your resolutions sound like this, I want to encourage you to do two things. First, dig a little deeper. Why do you want to buy a house this year? Then apply a personal and realistic strategy behind that.

Try this: “I want to lose weight this year because I’m not comfortable with how I look/feel when I look in the mirror. I will lose weight by adjusting my eating habits in the first two weeks of January. Then I will…..”

I feel much better about losing weight with the second explanation. First, it gives me a personal connection to my goal. It allows me to make sure that it is truly my goal and not one I adopted from others. There is also an action plan there. Now I know what I need to do, how I need to do it, and when it needs to be done.

2nd: You do not have to start working towards all of your goals at once. Think about how this sounds. “In the first week of January, I will start working out, I will apply to graduate school, I am going to start saving money, I am going to mend broken relationships and start a self-care routine.” That is an awful lot of pressure you are putting on yourself. No wonder you get overwhelmed or frustrated and are not able to achieve all of this.

Try this: “My goals for this year are… and I am going to start working towards “x” at the top of the year because it should take me three months to achieve this. In April I will start applying for graduate programs. If I put $20 aside from each paycheck, that is nearly $500 saved at the end of the year. I want to be able to run a 10K by Thanksgiving so I will start training for it in August. I will start my self-care routine by committing to doing a facial mask once a week until I can build on that. I will…”

Look at you extending grace to yourself! The second explanation allows you to really plan and strategize so that you can yield the outcome you really want. I know that we get excited and anxious about our goals, but when we overload ourselves some tasks will be left undone or not done well.

3rd: Keep in mind that life often ‘throws us lemons’ such as a global pandemic. This is not to discourge you. This is so you’ll be willing to adjust when the time comes.

Try this: When something unplanned happens, give yourself time to assess and understand what’s going on. This will allow you to make new decisions and adjust your goals as needed, if needed.

I hope that these tips will help you design and plan resolutions that you’ll stick to and achieve!

From me,

Chrissy

As we are heading into the first full week of December, I can’t help but find myself in a very reflective state. It’s no secret, I have been away from social media for the last 6+ months. Without warning, I literally stopped logging on. I thought that I would shake ” this feeling” in a few days. Days turned into weeks and weeks quickly turned into months. I just didn’t want to interact with the world in such a public way.

So much was happening in my life and at the time I hadn’t figured out how to navigate through it all:

• New Home: Tons of things to learn and keep up with. I’ve been learning about the neighborhood and meeting the neighbors. Enjoying many DIY projects and pacing myself with decorating.
• Work: New position, new manager, new team.
• Family: I have been away from my parents for over 6 years, so I have been spending intentional time with them. I hosted the family Thanksgiving dinner for the first time.
• Wellness: I have lost weight… and I have gained it all back. Found new recipes that I now enjoy regularly. Purchased new plants and yielded veggies from my garden. Starting to run again and completed my first half marathon on Thanksgiving! I started to revisit previous hobbies and I did a little bit of traveling this year.

I’ve enjoyed a lot of time of quiet time (sitting on the couch and looking out of the window), I’ve cried a lot, and laughed a lot!

If this journey has taught me anything; I have learned that it is so important to take the time needed for you to find your balance. It could be a few hours or a few months, but the outcome is worth the investment. Do what is necessary to be a healthier and happier person.

As we are winding down the year, I want each of you to remember to extend grace to yourself. Take the time away from things, from people, or from memories that are not fueling you to make the progress that you desire. I’m looking forward to my personal growth and I rooting for yours as well! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

From me,

Chrissy

I’m still trying to create a practical and productive routine for myself. I realized that I wasn’t giving myself the appropriate time to emotionally and mentally deal with the pandemic. I have been making moves and staying busy, thinking that would be the “cure” to the pandemic funk and the isolation of quarantine. I was wrong, very very wrong.

My anxiety has heightened, my goals have been diluted and inspiration has been lacking. I experienced an emotional breakdown and could not figure out how to recover. This is because everyday life hadn’t changed. We, for the most part, are still restricted from what we used to know and experience as normal.

I want to encourage us to use resources and people in our lives to be our advocates. I’ve read this article and it was such a blessing to me and I felt heard and understood. I felt like it was my answer to true rest and vacation. For those of us that are working, we should use our job’s resources to our benefit!

People think that those who are not married or have children shouldn’t be as overwhelmed or feel under pressure; though the experiences may not be equal to those who are parents, we are still experiencing our own very real challenges. I had to personally realize that I can’t afford to dilute my struggles just because they don’t appear as intense as someone else’s.

So, here is how you can address YOUR burnout:

1. Recognize the signs of burnout. (This article is from 2013, but super relevant)
2. Create a list of things that give you peace and are relaxing. (Manis & pedis are great but, remember there are free things too!)
3. Advocacy: learn who can support you when you lack resources. (Your manager, HR team & remember to re-visit your employee benefits)
4. If you can’t get calm or relaxed on your own, intentionally create that environment for yourself. (The right song/music has many health benefits; listen here! Aromatherapy or dim/turn off lights.)
5. Reassurance: Trust that you know what feels good to you. What you are doing for yourself will give you what you need and that what you are doing will be worth it!

What are some other tips you would add to this list?

Relax and love yourself through this!

From Chrissy,

Ahhhh( as I sip my turmeric and ginger tea). A new month brings on new energy, eagerness to achieve goals and optimism towards the unknown. We usually start a new year, a new month, and a new week, the same way. We are pumped and ready to “be our best selves.”

As time goes on, we lose the passion, and life’s obstacles tend to get in the way. Well, I want to encourage you to consider the obstacles as you are designing and planning out your goals. Of course, we can not plan everything, but this will allow you to leave room for unexpected moments. Here, I have developed 3 ways to consider your new year’s resolutions and/or general goals for yourself.

1. Practical planning is more efficient than the “Dream Big” concept: With the “Dream Big” concept, we sometimes miss the smaller details that can make a difference. Practical does not mean less than; practical planning allows you to evaluate yourself and your resources to see what you can do on your own and where you need to outsource. Practical planning also gives perspective and options. So when life gives you lemons, you are able to revisit your plans to see where you can make adjustments. Practical planning makes me think of viewing my goals from a birds eye perspective. Ofcourse things can change during the journey, but this view gives me the tools to maneuver with less emotions and more efficiently.
2. Uninspired moments are part of the process: I hate to be the bearer of bad news , but there WILL be moments where you are unispired, drained, overwhelmed. So how do you use this time? -It could be a great time to rest or to take a mental/emotional break. We are so eager to get things done, that we will wreck ourselves to do it. This is a hard no! As a creative, we thrive off of fresh and CLEAR thoughts. Learn to listen to your body and your mind and step away before it gets to that point. -Ask yourself questions. Ask yourself why you are feeling uninspired. Have you entered a brain fog? Are you truly no longer interested in the task? Is this the boring phase of the project and you need to get past it? Or maybe the lack of inspiration creeps in because of self doubt. Whatever the case is, it is up to you to dedicate the time to evaluate what led you to this point and create a plan for you to continue to make progress. -Sometimes we are uninspired because we have disconnected from the very things or people that inspire us. In this season, reach back out and surround yourself with the sources and people that will refuel you. You already know what and who they are. This is also a reminder to be that inspiration to others.
3. Do not get stuck on the numbers that you set (they should be a reference): Progress is progress and you should be proud. The amount of pressure that we put on ourselves is damaging. You have weight loss goals and financial goals that you tie specefic numbers too. Though, this is a great way to start the goal (the big picture) you have to remember that throughout this journey, your goals will be interupted by things you will not be able to control. This isn’t the time to beat yourself up. This is the time to appreciate the little hills that you have been able to conquer. That’s such a beautiful part that we typically miss. For example, you may not have saved all of the money that you hoped for, but you started a financial routine that will take you there. Your discipline was seen by family and friends who, now, want to be more financially responsible. Do not let the numbers keep you away from your other growth opportunities.

Of course these are not the only three ways to keep you on your journey , but these are three great ways to stay encouraged during your goals. What would you add to this list? How do you stay encourged to achieve your goals?

From me,

Chrissy

Hill runner: I run up the hill very well. Once I’m over the hill, I stop and begin to walk. If I notice people are out/watching, then I power-walk. I don’t want it to appear that I have given up, so I make it look like I “meant” to start walking. In my day-to-day life, I grind hard and when I have completed a task or assignment, I’m so worn out that I slack in other areas of my life. When I feel like I’m being monitored, I over-commit so that it doesn’t appear that I’m slacking. I’m not great at pacing while running because I always want to crush a goal and I’m not good at delegating because I don’t want it to appear as a weakness or lazy that I can’t “do it all.”

Flat surface: I slow my pace down. I attempt to calculate the distance I committed to and the energy to invest in the run. I always feel like I will run out of energy and a flat surface is easy to walk. I’m also easily bored (that is why I prefer running outdoors). The flat surface is predictable and does not offer me much of a challenge. I usually run slowly or start walking and use the excuse to enjoy the scenery. In my day-to-day life, I am much more challenged and productive the busier I am. Once life becomes a smooth road, I slack off, I get bored and unmotivated. I’m not the most patient person, so continuity without the sight of progress is discouraging to me.

Partnered running/Outside elements: When running with others, I try to be considerate of their pace and their comfort that I disregard what I am capable of. I either run faster than I know that I can handle or I run slower than my true potential because I don’t want them to feel that I am leaving them. If the weather isn’t ideal then I will completely talk myself out of exercising. Its the idea of, “if it’s not perfect, I don’t want it.” If it is a crowded location or familiar people, I get nervous. I feel like there is a level of expectation that I have to reach. In my day-to-day life, I find myself putting the needs and ideas of others before my own. I’ve always told myself that I can deal with being disappointed in myself, but I don’t want to deal with someone else being disappointed. I like to function off of plans and if something isn’t going as planned (depending on what it is) I have anxiety and question if its necessary for me to pursue. I can talk myself in and out of almost anything.

Now, do not get me wrong, I really enjoy running. It is the one exercise that no matter how consistent I am, I’m always challeged. That is life… we are all running this race and it is full of hills, unexpected turns, moments where we are sprinting, and seasons where it seems like we are just taking a stroll. This has certainly given me a greater perspective that my life isn’t as separated as I thought. My fitness life is affected by my social life and my social life is affected by my professional life.

As we are rounding out the year, I want to encourage you to do an audit of your life and look at your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. (SWOT). See how one area of your life is intertwined with others and consider the adjustments that could be made.

From me,

Chrissy

I moved to DC about 3 years ago. I was starting a new job and I didn’t know many people in the area. I attended a lot of social networking events to try to get out and simply meet new people. I was very clear with the type of people that I wanted to be surrounded by. I wanted to be intentional about the events as well. I went to educational events, learning about entrepreneurship, events hosted by black artists and events that would expose me to new skills.

Some of my very close relationships came from attending those events and speaking up during those events. I have made meaningful connections by allowing myself to be present. This also translates to networking on social platforms. Who are you following? What value is their content bringing to your feed?

Now, this doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking content everyday, but remember, that who you choose to follow has a certain level of influence. This became very real for me. I started following Chelsea (@thatschelsea) a few years ago. She is a #Godgirl, a wellness blogger and her lifestyle lines up with my journey. She posted about Dr. Kristian’s (@drkristianh) Blk and Grn (@blkandgrn) launch party and I did not want to miss this event. Believe it or not, but I’m quite shy, so going to an event where I wouldn’t know anyone was a little scary, but I bought a ticket got dressed and headed to downtown DC. Not only was this event black girl magic overload but I had the opportunity to meet local black artists and artisans that focus on creating green and clean products. I met Dr. Kristian and have now worked with her on a few times at other events. I met Chelsea, and the most valuable connection and friendship that I made was with Christian (@sweatersipper).

We met over tea samples in exchanged contact information. Since then, we have hosted events, encouraged each other, celebrated birthdays and prayed for each other. She was also a references that wrote a letter for my grad school application.

I know that we are still mostly meeting virtually but, I want to remind you that these social platforms can be used for more than beautiful photos, likes, and ads. Learn to network and leverage your platform to create mutual beneficial relationships on a professional level or on a personal level.

What are some of your stories amazing connection stories?

From me,

Chrissy

I spent the first half of my twenties being anxious about being married and having a family. When I turned 25, I felt like I let myself down (like I have control over being married. lol) I spent the last 5 years trying to imagine life never being married. I can not tell you where this idea that I won’t be worthy of marriage after 30, but I now know that I wasted many years hoping, wondering and missing out on my present moments.

I had a different blog post in mind, but this idea of knowing how to properly love and accept yourself seemed more fitting for February. I believe that the gift of singleness (not married) is understated. Hopefully, after reading this post, my unmarried ladies and men will feel more encouraged to take advantage of this time.

1: Acknowledge Your Freedom

If you are like me, you aren’t married or have children. This means that your time is yours, your resources are yours and your freedom is yours. I didn’t want to experience too much life because I wanted to wait to enjoy them with my husband… That’s not what life should be about. Experience things, travel, try new foods, cut all of your hair and then share those stories with your future spouse and create moments together when the time comes. I was letting someone/a role that does not exist determine what I was or was not doing. Love yourself by being active and intentional in your freedom.

2: Self Control/ Discipline

This is my favorite! This allows you to learn about yourself and teach yourself at the same time; how amazing is that? This is such an important layer in self-love. We all have areas that can use a little more discipline. This can include carving the time to workout, meal plan, work towards skills or hobbies, waking up earlier or simply learn to be disciplined enough to not respond to messages to don’t need to (you know the ones I’m talking about). This requires intimate time with yourself. Quiet time that you spend being honest with your weaknesses, how you WILL manage them and what are you adding into your lifestyle or what are you removing. Take the time to learn how you handle lifestyle changes and invest in yourself. Love yourself by being willing to be uncomfortable for a little while, knowing that the result will be better!

3: Remember To Relax

Let’s be honest, we want to have so much control over our lives. We want to know when we will get a promotion at work, when we will find love, get married and have kids; among other things. Since all of these major life events require other people, we have to remember to relax. Refrain from being so anxious about things you can not control( this is Biblical). Instead, be comfortable and confident that the life that you are currently living, is your best. Love yourself by not allowing the pressure of your future keep you from enjoying the present moments.

Being in a relationship or married does not define you and you shouldn’t speed through your gift of singleness by dwelling on your future.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

From me,

Chrissy

The new year doesn’t always call for you to start over or incorporating new things. The new year can be seen as extended grace! The time to continue working towards your goals.

Consider some of your 2019 goals and plans. Were they achieved? If they were, that’s amazing! If they were not, this is not the time to write them off and pick something new. This is the time to take all that you have learned and experienced with 2019’s lessons and use them as leverage. You now have a foot up on how to challenge yourself. You know the tactics that worked and the ones that didn’t.

So, now I want to encourage you to continue to walk into your purpose. Here are 3 practical ways to continue working on 2019’s goal and achieve them in 2020!

1: Reflect And Write Remind yourself of your “why.” Why was this a major goal? What do you want to get from achieving this goal? Be honest with yourself and write down why it wasn’t achieved last year. Were you being lazy and/or were they some distractions in your life? Were there outside obstacles, such as money, lack of resources or opportunities?

2: Become Open To Feedback Speak with a family member, friend or co-worker; someone who knows you well and will be honest with you. Ask them to reflect with you and to give you feedback on your behavior and daily patterns. Sometimes we see our own journey from one viewpoint. It is helpful and shows maturity when you can seek feedback from other perspectives.

3: Strategize Get organized and create a realistic plan for your goals. If you are anything like me, you think with a “big picture” mindset. I often have to remind myself to work on fewer steps at a time. This way, you can always assess how you are progressing towards the bigger picture. Think about one or two things that you can do a week, that will point you towards your goal.

My hope is that you do not give up on goals because they do not come as quickly as you would like. Continue to press forward and Happy 2020!

From me,

Chrissy

Happy first Monday of the last month of the year! If you have been following me for a while, you know that Monday is my favorite day of the week. There is something fresh and exciting about starting a new week. This Monday is more special than the others. This is the first week of the last month of the year and for me, my 20s.

I have learned and experienced a lot over the last 29 years and I am emotionally and mentally ready to take on 30. I have spent the last few weeks reflecting on all that I have been able to do. I traveled to Mombasa, Kenya for a missions trip. There, I rode a camel on the beach on Christmas day. I don’t think it gets sweeter than that. I have dealt with depression and cut all of my hair off. I have worked in my desired field and have started two businesses. I moved from Atlanta to Northern Virginia, back to Atlanta and then to D.C…. will I stay?? (stay tuned!)

I would say that 2019 has been the busiest year. I started graduate school, gained a sister-in-law, celebrated two years with Mr. Wilson (bae) and started boxing. I didn’t think that 2019 could offer me more, until…

November 23rd, I celebrated #30daysto30. Since my birthday is so close to Christmas, it can be challenging to get people together to celebrate. I hosted a formal dinner at my home with 30 of the greatest people I know. People that have invested in my physical life and my spiritual life. 15-year-old friendships, to friendships that were created this year. There were even 4 people that flew into town to spend this one evening with me. My heart was so full and I am still overwhelmed by the love and support that was shown that evening. Here is the full video!

I would like to thank Anis for capturing the best moments of my night. Thank you to the greatest makeup artist, Nicole, who flew from Atlanta to celebrate with me and make sure I was camera ready. Thanks to Terry Phillips for my custom skirt. Lastly, to my favorite person, Mr. Wilson. Thank you for making sure that everything came together and that I had the greatest night!

@aadem7 @glamdbycoco @terryannphillips @blksolmusic